Hello everyone!

I feel writing & sharing heal me, and I really want to do it more often. But sometime I'm not sure with what should i write OR it's the matter of time. As one of the alternatives, i think i'm going to share personal stories / daily activities / photos / maybe you want to suggest me? please let me know! And i hope you guys can get the good points from my post ☺

Shall we start? 

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These days I've been feeling unstable. Sometimes I am too happy and all in a sudden I think about all the problems then be sad and then..burst. Yes, this familiar and uncomfortable feelings. My closest friends and families are here and i know they are willing to listen, but at particular time, it's just me who doesn't want to be open. I really appreciate both those who always ask about my situation and those who already know that i don't want to be asked, it means a lot for me. Showing the sympathy is already enough. Because of course, there are things i want to keep personal. I'm not sure if it's the best decision or not, but at least that's what makes me comfortable.

I've been feeling overwhelmed with thoughts that kept buzzing around my mind
I've been feeling guilty for the things i've done to people and it hurt them
I've been feeling sensitive and melancholy in the same time
I've been feeling like facing lots of challenges which sometime i cannot breakdown
I've been feeling overly excited and then started to be quiet

But then I think, what is life if i don't feel the down side of it? There's no such thing as eternal happiness. Precisely, sadness is the absence of happiness. Even me, my friends, and the people that seem really enjoying their life have their own challenges that they personally face. And they manage not to show it and that doesn't mean everybody's having a happy life and you're the one suffering. So yes, i want to remind you guys that

It's okay not to be okay. 

I'm not a family-oriented kinda person. When i still live physically in Jakarta, i wasted my time playing around with my friends. I didn't like to make time for my family, i feel like being with friends is more fun than with them. On weekend i always went outside my house, whether to my friend's house, mall, cafe, restaurants, or even spaces. But my family, my nuclear family really like to watched movies every weekend - in which i didn't enjoy watching and i chose to be with my friends. Until I moved here, 154.2 kilometres away from home..bam

Turns out it's not that easy to live far from my family. I know it's not that far, but still. I realised that there are a lot of their habit that i miss. Their presence even we didn't talk much, their voices, their laughs, many things. I one day started to cried. Cried quite a lot because I regret that time when they always asked me to join watching movies and i often refuse, I regret that time when i can be home with them but i chose to be with my friends and I regret when i can enjoy the time around them, i didn't.

After have been hit by that moment, i always make time for them by finishing all the tasks before weekend so I can have my time with them when i'm home. I go to jakarta almost every weekend. Enjoying the time i can be with them, watching, talking, playing around, everything. Even i can stay at home just because i want to be with them. Eating outside is also a good choice tho..and after years, i finally knew how it feels to have a "home". The cozy yet warm atmosphere that you won't feel anywhere else but, home. 

My point is,

There are a lot of things you can do when you say you're busy and have no time to do it. 
So...Do it now?!